It was a rainy Tuesday and I was listening to the radio, driving my usual route towards work, when Destiny’s Child song “Solider” came on the radio. Without hesitating, I reached for the volume dial and turned up the tune. From the top of my lungs (sounding like Mariah Carey – although some may beg to differ) I sang along: “If his status ain't hood, I ain't checkin' for him, betta be street if he lookin' at me”. After belting out the chorus I had to pause and think about how ridiculous the catchy song words were, “If his status ain't hood, I ain't checkin' for him”, are these women actually serious?
The desire that young girls and grown women have for Bad Boys never ceases to amaze, some may call them boring but to me a Good Man is much more appealing. Let me break it down for you.
The stereotypical media portrayal of this desirable Hood Man that women across the globe are desperately yearning for normally goes something like this: He has 3 or 4 “baby mommas” one of which always has a stalker-ish mentality, he has one “wifey” with countless “tings” on the side to please his nymphomaniac “gyalist” tendencies. He owns a Benz with the chrome wheels still spinning even when he parked up 30 minutes ago, busses 11 bottles of Moët every time he hits a rave with the “man dem”, he’s respected but also feared by the masses. His life is full of excitement with drive by shootings and drug deals taking place on a regular basis as his income is a result of an occupation that can range from anything from a Kingpin, Gangster Rapper to a Pimp.
Maybe I have exaggerated a tiny bit, but I’m sure you get the picture. This manufactured materialistic unattainable persona is what a lot of men aspire to be, and who a lot of women aspire to be with. I don’t know about you, but it sounds like way too much drama to me. Getting a man that showers me with Louis Vuitton bags one day but can’t afford a tea bag the day after is a fantasy that I can openly admit to not relating to. If on a daily basis you’re constantly worrying about your man going to a cell or a cemetery then that is not a good look, no matter how much you try to convince yourself it is.
So, let’s speak about the good man. People normally associate the “good” man to money and wealth but I strongly disagree. To me, a “good” man is a man that firstly loves and respects himself, because without self love you have no love for anybody. A man with manners and respect, any man that can refer to you as a “ting” and “gyal” should be eliminated from your life - immediately. A man that honours you, if a man likes you he will go out of his way to show you, if you’re sitting by your phone for 3 hours praying for him to call or if he only calls you after 11pm then move on and remember actions speak louder than words. A man with ambition, if he’s making positive legitimate movements in his life and is trying to make a future for himself, while encouraging you to do the same then support him. All you need to see is potential, even if the end result is not in the here and now. In essence, a Good Man is a man that is good to you, that adds value to your already amazing life.
It would be foolish of me to proclaim every man to be perfect as I’ve had a few broken hearts in my short lifetime, but there is an abundance of Good Men out there, and they are not becoming extinct any time soon. What I have learnt from my relationships is that you have to realise that you deserve the best before you can get the best, set your standards and don’t alter them for anybody. You also have to be the person that you desire to be with, you can’t expect to get man with a well paid 9 to 5 but be sitting in your yard collecting JSA watching Jeremy Kyle every morning, it’s just not realistic.
A lot of women are unaware of the power they hold, most men do what they do to impress us, so if we all demanded more than they would have to change their ways. Ultimately, being a “ride and live chick” is more appealing to me than being a “ride or die chick”, because I don’t know about you, but, I love my life.
Stay blessed,
Selina x
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